American Parser

Standing In The Gap Of The Real And Perceived

If South Carolina Can Come Out, So Can Jack And I!


Love Wins SCSo, as a modern, free-spirited American male, what do I think of same-sex marriage finally coming to South Carolina? I think it’s terrific, that’s what!

http://bit.ly/1p1sNE7

Why, you ask? Well, brace yourself, because I’m gonna lay him it all out on the table: if South Carolina and Charleston, the Holy City, are finally coming on board, then making it official for me and Jack, my Newfoundland, must be right around the corner, wherever we are!

We’ve been discreet about it for years, but we’re finally coming out of the doghouse! I just can’t hold back any longer telling the world about my love for this shaggy-haired partner of mine, and how I know it’s good in the eyes of G-d, because G-d is love, and that’s all that matters! Jack’s ten now, so we’re running out of time, but he’s still “up” for it, so when I told him the good news and showed him his ball, he got excited, too!

And what of my gracious, faithful wife, Kathleen? Well, I wouldn’t exactly call her excited about it, but she’s never been one to stifle love! She has made peace with the fact that there’s really not much difference between male humans and male dogs, anyway, so she’s okay with it on four conditions:

1) I don’t ask her to get involved,

2) Jack and I use his bed, not hers,

3) I bathe thoroughly afterward (a shame, really, because I just adore Jack’s lingering hirsute canine aroma), and

4) I get checked by a vet once a month for fleas and parasites.

Anyway, that’s pretty reasonable, if you ask me. What a breakthrough that will be, to be among the first same-sex, interspecial (if it’s not a word yet, it’s gonna be), bigamist marriages ever! Thanks for understanding, Kathleen!

Not only can Jack and I not wait, but we indeed haven’t! Jack, I LOVE YOU! JUST HANG ON, HONEY!

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This entry was posted on November 19, 2014 by in The Safety Net.

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